Kids
All of you have kids in your life, whether you are a parent,
grandparent, aunt, uncle, god-parent or teacher. Remember Art Linkletter’s TV
show about children saying the darndest things? Or perhaps you’ve seen the
funny things kids do on the current TV program
As a mother of five, having done the best I could with the knowledge I had at that time, I truly enjoyed the journey of parenting. Now I’m journeying with nine grandchildren (number 10 on the way!), and continually learn how to interact and guide kids. Since kids are such an important part of most people’s lives, I thought I’d share some thoughts with you of what I’ve learned since I’ve been there, done that, and have the T-shirt to prove it!
First of all, kids are spiritual beings above everything else. The younger they are the stronger their connection to God and the spiritual realm, having come to earth so recently. So if they tell you they saw an angel or a deceased loved one, allow them to safely share that as it is most likely a truth. Children see and feel some amazing things in their early years before society shushes them, so encourage this knowledge. Cultivating their spiritual connection is vital.
Secondly, a most important thing to share with your child is their importance just as they are. Let them know how wonderful they are as a creation of the Creator, and that they are already loved without having to do anything to earn it. Many kids get the message that they have to measure up, be good, do what they’re told to do, etc, in order to be loved and accepted as worthwhile and valued. Not so as that is conditional love. Unconditional love is of God and says you are loved no matter what. It is our responsibility to share this unconditional love with the kids in our lives. Don’t ever tell your child you’ll love them more if they clean up their room or get good grades – that is conditional love.
Problem is many adults were raised with conditional love so
they only know how to share what they know. This requires some re-programming
for the adults so they understand how to really send a message of unconditional
love. So, if the child in your life misbehaves or fails to do something they
were told to do, bring it to their attention with the assurance they are still
deeply loved for who they are but you are not accepting their behavior – big
difference!
Children must have guidelines. So the third thought I want
to share is to lay out the consequences
of not behaving or failing to do something before it happens, and then stick to
it. Many times adults warn a child about a consequence, but when behavior
requires they fulfill that warning with the consequence, they buckle and give
in to the child. Do you know what that does? It gives that child power over
you! You lose credibility
in the eyes of the child and are made smaller as well, and
you are less likely to receive your desired outcome.
Kids really want you to be the parent (or adult) even if
they rail against that. They often feel a lack of love if you don’t follow
through because it says to them that you really don’t care and they aren’t
important enough for you to do what you said. You’ve probably heard the phrase
“tough love”. Set guidelines and boundaries and then follow through every time
and you’ll receive your desired outcome more times than not. If you tell your
child to clean up their room by a certain time or they can’t watch TV, and they
haven’t finished the room
when it’s time for the show, do not allow them to watch
the show! Establish this pattern
when they are young and the teen years should be easier to travel through.
The next thought I am sharing is this: Listen to your kids! Really take time to be quiet and listen. Let them tell you what’s on their mind without interrupting them, and when they are finished you talk. I remember being so busy at times with getting homework finished, clothes ready for the next day, meals completed, baths done, that I had to rush through the evening with only quick moments of listening. But then I heard of a better way and made the commitment to spend alone time with each child before bed. It took much of my evening oftentimes, but I was able to tune into them better and really hear what they were saying. To this day I have sweet memories of stories read, questions asked and answered, or just talking about whatever was on their mind. So give your child your undivided attention for periods of time. It far exceeds any gift you could ever buy for them. Kids want to be heard as it makes them feel valued, appreciated and loved. We call that quality time!
Focus on each child’s strengths. Every child, just like every adult, has many talents and abilities. Talk about them and remind the child of these strengths you see in them. You’ve no doubt heard a story like this of a dad whose love of sports causes him to be partial to one child who showed great sports ability. The other child never felt he could win his dad’s heart because he wasn’t good in sports no matter how hard he tried. His strengths were found in music and art – not something that resonated with the dad. It is vital that adults point out to the child the abilities they see in them and let them know how valuable they are regardless of what they excel in. Know that every child, no exceptions, has abilities and talents. Remember this, that child is on his/her own journey, not your journey, so don’t try to make him/her into what you want. It’s their life! And know that every child, no exceptions, has abilities and talents.
The last thing I want to mention is giving a child the chance to make their own choice. Each of us were born with the greatest power in the world – the ability and power to choose. As adults we often must make choices for the children in our lives due to their young years and lack of understanding about what could hurt them.
But so many times adults simply shout out an order without listening to the child’s wishes, telling them they have to do what they are told because the adult said so. I think it’s important to begin teaching a child at a young age how to make their own choices in simple, small ways. Give them a choice about which chore they want to do, which clothes they want to wear, which cookie they want, etc. Sometimes they won’t like their choice after they receive it, and that teaches them to think about their choices before they make them.
Kids are wonderful aspects of our lives. I cannot imagine what my life would be without my kids, even though they are all grown now. What would Christmas be like without kids? Think of the potential of each child you know, and the wonderment of this precious soul. You have an amazing gift in helping to nourish and guide this little bud into the beautiful bloom it can be someday. This tender little bud needs to be cultivated with positive things so it can grow strong and share its beauty with the world. Take the time to nourish the kids in your life and help them grow into the potential they have already inside of them, and it must always be done with love.
